A Family Built from Love

Adoption, a due date, naps, & baby birds | No. 005

The hatched baby birds hungry for a snack

I last wrote about the baby bird eggs in my bike helmet almost 2 weeks ago. Since then, the eggs have hatched and now there are a few very tiny and very cute baby birds living in the helmet. I went outside to see them this morning, my presence scaring their mother off from the nest to a tree a few feet away. She skittishly and suspiciously jumped around watching me as I peered into her nest. When I looked down into the nest to get a picture of the babies snuggled together, all of them opened their mouths, hoping for some food.

As I type this, it is May 24th. I am 40 weeks pregnant and it is my own baby’s due date. This baby is currently wiggling around in my womb, apparently unaware that she is predicted to have a birthday today. She doesn’t seem to be working on any exit strategies just yet, but rather just reminding me, again, that she would like more sugary treats and more naps in the recliner. I have been providing both fairly constantly, and I don’t blame her for hanging out in my belly just a bit longer. So, I wait.

Before we had a nest of baby birds in my helmet outside, I hadn’t thought about how long songbirds’ eggs take to hatch or how long the birds stay in the nest once hatched. I looked into it, and the birds take about 2 weeks to hatch and then they spend another couple of weeks in the nest before flying away. After spending the last 40 weeks pregnant, while I am immensely grateful for this new person about to make her debut into our family, I’ll admit I am feeling jealous of a mama bird’s much shorter timeline.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

My oldest child, a teenager we adopted this past December along with their younger brother, likes to only half-jokingly say they were my easiest and most painless birth, and they will always have that as a bragging point on their baby sister. I laugh and agree, and acknowledge I don’t remember a thing about my two older kids’ birth days. My teen will also say, “don’t you love that we came out fully grown and sleeping through the night?” And, honestly, yes, I do love that. Do I wish that I knew them as babies, got to hold them, see them walk for the first time, and have memories of their squishy little toddler cheeks and funny first words? Also, yes, I wish that too.

I met my oldest at age 13, my middle at age 6, and I’ll meet this new one face-to-face knowing her from Day 1. With adoption, foster care, new babies, family changes, and transitions, there are also complex feelings that arise both for kids and adults in the house. I was talking to my kids last night about how it might feel weird and hard seeing this new baby get so much physical touch, attention, and time. We talked about why babies need so much of all that, and how my love won’t change or go away for my other babies, and I could have ten babies (hypothetically) and my love would never decrease for my older big kids. We will keep talking about it, and proving it, and I have no doubt there will be really hard moments anyway. There will also be many beautiful moments, I’m sure of that, too.

I told them about how when they were babies, someone who cared about them undoubtedly fed them, clothed them, changed their diapers, and held them. It wasn’t me, but I say it was very likely their first mom, their biological mother, and I want them to know those acts of care happened for them, even though they can’t remember it and she’s not here to tell them herself. She wasn’t able to parent in the long-term, but it wasn’t because of a lack of love for them.

I want them to know despite the extremely rocky childhood paths they traveled for years, they were loved and cherished from the beginning.

Baby birds, adopted children, biological children, foster children . . . all enter and exit into and out of families and families’ stories so differently. I have entered into motherhood multiple ways, and I am living my dream of building a family from love.

Each way that I have experienced motherhood, and will continue to experience motherhood, is unique, special, beautiful, challenging, maddening, amazing, perfect, flawed, hard, wonderful, and exactly right for me.

Now, to be honest, I want to spend time editing this piece, but I think I’m off to take just one more nap.