Creating in the In Between

Life in microchunks, an empty nest, and baby girl | No. 006

My newborn is 16 days old today. 5 days past her due date, 3 rescheduled induction times, and 49 hours of labor later, she showed up earthside. The nurses on the labor and delivery floor, who were actual angels in the flesh, used phrases like “feisty,” “spicy,” and “runs on her own time” to describe her as she held out on us before finally making her appearance.

Our days and nights are happening in microchunks, 2 hours here, 3 hours there, 90 minutes here. In some ways I have been reminded of 2020 lockdown times: my life existing exclusively within my own four walls, running on a time warp, and lived in the same two [very stretchy] outfits. Our big kids are on summer break and my husband is on paternity leave, so everyone has been home together, a lot.

But this time, for all the chaos, I have a very cute baby to show for it.

My goals and aspirations have shrunk down to a) shower every other day and b) get in the sunshine for at least 15 minutes. I have been a mom since 2019, but never to a newborn before now. Unlike newborns, our other kids have all been at least 4 years old, so they have all possessed some level of independence. With our baby, I don’t yet know how to do much else alongside caring for this new member of our family. I will eventually, but I don’t yet. I left a message for one of my friends yesterday asking, “so how do I leave the house with this tiny person? I haven’t the slightest idea.”

The bird nest, the one in the bike helmet in our backyard that I have written about in two previous posts, is now empty. Sometime during our hospital stay for our newborn, the baby birds flew away. The eggs, turned hatched fuzzy bird babies, became mature birds who flew the nest.

At this moment, my oldest is watching TV and singing loudly, my middle is bouncing around like a human pogo stick and rolling over the top of the couch, for some reason the song “Scatman” is playing on the Google home, and the baby wants to be held. We have dinner we need to eat, a dog to feed, and probably a lot of other things to do that I’m forgetting about.

I have set my laptop down many times since starting this, but I am learning to write, create, and find joy in the in between of this beautiful chaos.

A tiny chunk of time here, a few minutes there. Maybe for now, we don’t leave the house as much, and 15 minutes of sun and a shower are big accomplishments. But, it’s a season of time. Someday, my little birds will be fully grown and will probably leave the nest.

For this season, I hope to find joy in 15-minute walks, a shower, an unedited piece of writing cobbled together four words at a time, and my sweet little birds who one day won’t be so little.