Why Do You Write Like You're Running Out of Time?

Squishy babies, Groundhog Day, and Hamilton | No. 008

Lyric from “Non-Stop”, a song in the acclaimed Broadway production Hamilton: An American Musical (also the relevant lyric for any parent trying to write anything)

My sweet husband has all of our babies right now and I’m sitting in the backyard, laptop open, trying to force my brain into forming coherent thoughts and then will my fingers to type words that make sense. Eight-ish weeks postpartum, this is not easy for me. I woke up mid-morning, after another night with a few hours of broken sleep, and nobody was home.

Turns out they were off to swim lessons, McDonald’s, the insectarium, the park, and who knows where else, all while Mom slept. I could write a whole book on how my husband does paternity leave like he’s gunning for a gold medal if Paternity Leave was an Olympic sport and moms were the event judges, but I won’t (right now).

So, I have a chunk of limited surprise time to write this little post.

It’s somehow August now, and June and July were a blur of the same day lived over dozens of times. I can’t say it’s going by fast, but maybe in hindsight it will feel that way. Right now it’s Groundhog Day, repeat, repeat, repeat. Our baby is the cutest little ball of squish and we love her so much and it’s impossible to not feel overwhelmingly grateful she’s in our family. It’s also impossible to not feel overwhelmingly tired and lost in the piles of bottles, diapers, clutter, and spit-up soaked burp cloths.

It’s a blur, baby. Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

I’m not a movie or theater buff in any sense of the word, but I love, love, love the Broadway show Hamilton: An American Musical. It’s one of the few things I will watch and rewatch, never getting sick of it.* In the production, another song is titled “Hurricane.” Hamilton is singing the song as a reflection on his childhood and life decisions and how writing has helped him get through it all.

In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet
For just a moment
A yellow sky
When I was seventeen, a hurricane destroyed my town
I didn't drown, I couldn't seem to die

I wrote my way out
Wrote everything down far as I could see
I wrote my way out

I am not enduring a literal hurricane thank God, but I might be running out of time until my family returns, and the whirlwind of Meeting All The Needs starts up again. But, this is my small moment to have quiet.

I love these babies and man with everything that I am. Giving and receiving love and life with them is the greatest and most exhausting thing there is. But, I also will take claim to this moment of yellow sky, however fleeting and short. It’s scattered and imperfect, but it’s mine.

*A recorded showing of the Broadway musical is on Disney+